Hobo status: me!

I know, I know, I complain a lot, but I guess I didn't realize how hard this was going to be. No, not the weight loss and the diet stuff- I knew that would be hard. I'm talking about all the extra stuff that I didn't expect to be a problem.

Like my clothes. I really didn't think about that. I guess I just assumed that one day I'd be 269, the next day I'd be 130, and I'd go clothes shopping. I didn't anticipate the months of being in between my start weight and my goal weight- halfway successful.

I feel like I am constantly being stared at by others- like I don't know how to dress. Like I look like a hobo instead of a pretty, slimmer girl. I wish I could wear a sign that says, "I've lost 40 pounds and haven't gone shopping yet!" Sometimes when strangers stare at my baggy clothes, I just explain, and then they ask soooo many questions. How did I do it? Do I exercise? What do I eat? They are redundant, but at least a new respect is formed for me, instead of an odd assumption about my lot in life.

This weekend was rough because we had no power for three days, and I ate food from convenience stores all weekend. No way to exercise- it was too hot inside and out. I stepped on the scale this morning and gained three pounds, but tomorrow is my official weigh-in. So hopefully I've dropped some or all of the weight I gained. I hope so!

Sorry this is short. I'll get on again tomorrow and let you know how the weigh-in went.

Interesting Perspective, Self!

I was going through some old posts I wrote on a weight-loss website I'm on when I found this advice I had given a fellow lifestyle-changer when she was convinced that being fat was easier than working on her health, and that putting the weight on was not as hard for her as getting it off:


It seems like it was easy to put the weight on, but think about what you really went through: 


1. You stressed your joints 
2. You stretched your stomach constantly 
3. You weakened your heart by pumping it full of cholesterol and fat for years and years 
4. You spent money on more food 
5. You spent money on bigger clothes 
6. You skipped things that you would enjoy because of self-consciousness (things you can never go back and do over) 
7. You became emotional and cried at night when the fat jokes were too much 
8. You wondered if people didn't like you/hire you/date you because of your weight 
9. You deprived yourself of essential minerals because the other stuff tasted better 
10. You may have set these examples to those who are impressionable, such as your kids (if you have any) 


So you THINK gaining weight was easy, and maybe you didn't get the immediate, painful impact, but it has not been easy on you at all! If every donut or cake you stuck in your mouth caused you pain, or made you sick, no matter how good it tastes you would never have ate it! But more or less, each of those "treats" do cause you pain EVERY DAY. These sugary foods make you sick all the time! 


I'd much rather have a few sores muscles then a lifetime of the "pain" of fat.


I wrote these words almost two years ago, but they are still so true to my life. Losing weight is NOT just about counting calories, or changing eating habits, or exercising- it's about a psychological recognition of bad habits and an active change in those habits. That's what makes it so hard, and that's why people try unsuccessfully over and over again to diet. I tell people that dieting is like quitting cigarettes, but harder. I make this comparison because smokers go through mood swings and unique trials that non-smokers don't understand when they try to quit. Your body is dependent on the buzz of nicotine, and the withdrawal is intense and overwhelming. I've been told that you never really feel free from cigarettes, that it just gets easier to resist them, but the desire never fully goes away.


I say that dieting is harder than quitting smoking for a couple of reasons. First, dieters can go through mood swings and unique trials (and victories!) that non-dieters (big or small) can't relate to. A dieter's body is dependent on the buzz of sugar, and the withdrawal is intense and overwhelming. I've been told (by science) that statistically speaking, those who are eventually successful with weight loss are very, very likely to gain some or all of the weight back. Weight maintenance, like resisting a smoke, is a life-long pursuit.


The biggest difference between quitting smoking and starting a diet is the one difference that makes it so hard to be successful- you HAVE to eat to live. No doubt about it, every human on earth has to put food in their mouths at specific intervals. If you moved to a planet where cigarettes didn't exist, you could survive and thrive there for the rest of your life. Without food, however, you will die within a few weeks. That is the sole reason why I believe dieting is harder than quitting cigarettes.


Well, with all of that out of the way, I've lost a total of 37 pounds (which I am stoked about!) since March 13th, 2012. This is me about 20 minutes ago:

(Notice the cigarette: yeah, I've done the quitting and the dieting)

I know that I am harder to see, but that's what I've got. I can really see my waist starting to cinch in. I really wish my arms would follow suit! Of course, that t-shirt and the pants are too big for me now, and all of my clothes are starting to become really unflattering.

So as I close this entry, I present this thought: what have you done for your body today?

Exactly 75 Days In...

I have been dieting and exercising for 75 days now. I feel like I can finally talk about what I'm doing, and how I'm doing it. It hasn't been easy, but I have lost 20 pounds doing what I'm doing. This is exceptional considering my conditions:

I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. This disorder affects an estimated 1 out of 10 women. I was diagnosed in 2010, but I really had no idea what the big deal was. Well, I know now that PCOS causes infertility, insulin-resistance, male pattern hair growth, dysfunctional periods, and weight gain. I have devoted my free time to educating young women about the signs and symptoms of PCOS. They don't know where it comes from, but I do have a family member with PCOS, and my doctor thinks it's related. So, I suffer from that on a daily basis. Here is more information about PCOS.

I have hypothyroidism. I was diagnosed with this when I was 12 years old. I had gained over 40 pounds that year! Again, as a child, I didn't understand the severity of the situation. I didn't take the daily, necessary medicine until about a year ago when my doctor impressed upon me the life-long implications of the disease. This is also not curable, and I will be on medication for the rest of my life. Hypothyroidism causes increased miscarriages, weight gain, lethargy, lack of concentration, anxiety, vitamin deficiencies, and a whole host of symptoms (comprehensive list here).

November 2011

Anyhow, over the years I had continued to gain weight, and in February, 2012, I weighed in at 260 pounds!

Somehow, I could still live with my decisions to be fat, even at the cost of embarrassment to my husband. Then in March, the doctor gave me some terrifying news: I was too heavy to ovulate due to my PCOS, and could not expect to get pregnant any time soon. She told me that if I could lose 50 pounds by next March (giving me 1 year), then she would prescribe fertility medications to me to get me pregnant if I wasn't ovulating on my own.

Finally the severity caught up to me. I had let my own body down. Despite my conditions, my body felt pretty normal (the lethargy was the most noticeable symptom), and I always thought it could do what it needed to do. This was the first time that I realized that I caused my body real harm.

So I researched everything. I learned what "insulin-resistant" (caused by my PCOS) really did to my body. I found out what foods interacted with my medications. The doctor put me on Metformin, a medication usually used for diabetics, to help regulate my insulin resistance. At the same time, she warned me that the medication was not a magic weight loss pill, and I had to work at it.

One of my favorite websites is called Pinterest. I made a "motivation" board and posted images to remind myself of my goals. Sometimes I would look through my posts when I felt overwhelmed.

   

These kinds of things were helpful, but I did so many more things to help me along. This blog is dedicated to my journey. It's not over, but I've been working really hard, and people are starting to ask the questions that everyone wants to know; how did you do it?

Most of my friends and family are aware of my struggles with PCOS and hypothyroidism, and combating these life-long illnesses makes my story even more amazing. Just last Tuesday I weighed in at 20 pounds lost. Tell me, can you see the difference?