Broke the plateau!

I finally broke my plateau of last year. On Tuesday I weighed in at 227.8. My plateau was 230. So I'm glad I'm past that hurdle...!

I still feel like a hippo. I've been going through a lot of issues surrounding weight loss recently. I started counting calories on a calorie-counting website, thinking that I was over-eating. It turns out, I have been severely under-eating. I wasn't expecting that at all. So naturally, as with any calorie-counting website, I am being warned every day about "starvation mode". And this is where it gets complex.

I eat all day long, I just don't eat high-calorie foods. I have trained myself really well on the brands of food I like, and I plan my meals every day. I've spent a lot of time doing this right. I've also done a lot of research. I've heard of starvation mode, so I knew it wasn't a good thing.

For someone who is morbidly obese, however, I just can't understand how my body has any opportunity to "starve". I just can't wrap my head around the concept. And that's where the whole "calories in vs. calories out" get complicated.

When I started this in March, my doctor gave me instructions about how many carbs to eat, about 30 a meal  and up to 15 in a snack. So that's what I've been following- roughly 125 carbs a day. Because of my insulin resistance, these ideas are in place, and they are working for me. I think I'm going to stop stressing out about the calories.

In other news, I bought a resistance band today, and I'm so excited to use it! I've been really worried about strength training, because I don't do it... at all. I thought that the resistance bands could be a fun and interesting way to tone up as I lose weight. Every little bit helps, right?

My tennis game hasn't gotten much better, despite spending about an hour/day playing. I do have more speed and finesse though, and that is helpful. I've even been regularly hitting the ball after it goes out of bounds. Before, if I thought it was going out of bounds, I would just stand there and wait for it. Not any more! I want to play like my husband one day, and I can't do that by being lazy!

I got a "B" in my Calculus class, which will alleviate a lot of my stress and free up some time. I'm glad that class is over!

This Is Taking Too Long...

So... I've been trying not to get discouraged, but today is a day for sadness. I've been pretty disappointed in my diet for the past few days, and although I have good reason, I still wish it hadn't happened this way.

My husband is a truck driver, and I went on his first interstate run with him Friday morning. About halfway into the trip, on our way back home, a trailer tire shredded apart and left us stranded for a total of five hours. Eventually we had to stop and get a hotel (due to transportation rules for truck drivers). During this entire trip, we were unable to eat anything "healthy". We didn't have time to stop anywhere but truck stops, which are notorious for unhealthy food. I tried to be good, but I didn't have any options. It started with a Krispy Kreme doughnut and a soda. By the end of the night, I had also consumed a king size Twix bar (I hadn't had one in 4 months) and a chocolate milk.

This morning was worse. My husband just wanted to get home, and I didn't blame him. We picked up a ready to go pizza, and I ate HALF of it! >_< Before that, we had the continental breakfast, and the only hot thing to eat was a waffle. This was a problem because I hadn't had a hot meal in two days and ate one. And a few mini-doughnuts. Then we split a bag of chips. And I drank more soda. And energy drinks. I just feel awful.

I don't know how I ate meals like that every day without remorse for what I was doing to my body. It's those excuses and eating habits that got me where I am. But the worst part is that it's taking so long. I don't remember ever being skinny- ever. I can't wait to be the object of envy and lust and make myself and my husband proud. And I know that it's taken me 14 years to get this way, but I feel like this is taking forever.

The biggest problem is that I don't see a change in myself. This is me about six months ago versus today:

I can point out some small differences, but nothing major. I guess it's so depressing because here I was eating doughnuts and chips and knowing that those things got me here. I am not going to lie- this has been really hard for me. When I was a kid we were so poor and I always told myself that I would have the things I couldn't before, and that has come to mean restaurants, fast-food, ice cream, and cake. And I have personally never been close with somebody who has suffered through losing weight. I haven't watched somebody get smaller before my eyes, and how slow the process can be. It's been really easy to be discouraged by the enormous amount of work that this is going to take.

When I was younger, I didn't understand the implications of hypothyroidism or PCOS, or even what I was doing to my body. Granted, not every pound is my fault, but I certainly didn't help the process. And now I exercise 2-4 times a week, and I've picked up a hobby sport, and I've actually gone outside enough to get a tan already, but the time frame is overwhelming. And considering it took me almost 4 months just to lose 23 pounds, I understand why the doctor gave me almost a year to lose 50. I just want to be re-encouraged, but it's been difficult to find that light again. I want to be a mom one day, but just the idea of working so hard for a great body and then losing it after giving birth is a lot to consider.

Any one else having trouble staying motivated?

Exactly 75 Days In...

I have been dieting and exercising for 75 days now. I feel like I can finally talk about what I'm doing, and how I'm doing it. It hasn't been easy, but I have lost 20 pounds doing what I'm doing. This is exceptional considering my conditions:

I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. This disorder affects an estimated 1 out of 10 women. I was diagnosed in 2010, but I really had no idea what the big deal was. Well, I know now that PCOS causes infertility, insulin-resistance, male pattern hair growth, dysfunctional periods, and weight gain. I have devoted my free time to educating young women about the signs and symptoms of PCOS. They don't know where it comes from, but I do have a family member with PCOS, and my doctor thinks it's related. So, I suffer from that on a daily basis. Here is more information about PCOS.

I have hypothyroidism. I was diagnosed with this when I was 12 years old. I had gained over 40 pounds that year! Again, as a child, I didn't understand the severity of the situation. I didn't take the daily, necessary medicine until about a year ago when my doctor impressed upon me the life-long implications of the disease. This is also not curable, and I will be on medication for the rest of my life. Hypothyroidism causes increased miscarriages, weight gain, lethargy, lack of concentration, anxiety, vitamin deficiencies, and a whole host of symptoms (comprehensive list here).

November 2011

Anyhow, over the years I had continued to gain weight, and in February, 2012, I weighed in at 260 pounds!

Somehow, I could still live with my decisions to be fat, even at the cost of embarrassment to my husband. Then in March, the doctor gave me some terrifying news: I was too heavy to ovulate due to my PCOS, and could not expect to get pregnant any time soon. She told me that if I could lose 50 pounds by next March (giving me 1 year), then she would prescribe fertility medications to me to get me pregnant if I wasn't ovulating on my own.

Finally the severity caught up to me. I had let my own body down. Despite my conditions, my body felt pretty normal (the lethargy was the most noticeable symptom), and I always thought it could do what it needed to do. This was the first time that I realized that I caused my body real harm.

So I researched everything. I learned what "insulin-resistant" (caused by my PCOS) really did to my body. I found out what foods interacted with my medications. The doctor put me on Metformin, a medication usually used for diabetics, to help regulate my insulin resistance. At the same time, she warned me that the medication was not a magic weight loss pill, and I had to work at it.

One of my favorite websites is called Pinterest. I made a "motivation" board and posted images to remind myself of my goals. Sometimes I would look through my posts when I felt overwhelmed.

   

These kinds of things were helpful, but I did so many more things to help me along. This blog is dedicated to my journey. It's not over, but I've been working really hard, and people are starting to ask the questions that everyone wants to know; how did you do it?

Most of my friends and family are aware of my struggles with PCOS and hypothyroidism, and combating these life-long illnesses makes my story even more amazing. Just last Tuesday I weighed in at 20 pounds lost. Tell me, can you see the difference?

Everything You Need To Know

Today is the day. No, really, it's the day. It is the day. It's the first day of the rest of my life. See, I am really disappointed in myself. I know almost everything that can be known about diet and exercise. I research this stuff. Nutrition and its effects on the body, that's like porn for me. I do it because I love it. Unfortunately, by looking at me, you wouldn't be able to tell. Actually, if you didn't know me, you might glance my way and then look at the ground, for fear of rude staring. Maybe you would point to me and then whisper to your boyfriend, "would you still love me if I was that fat?" ... But either way, you would not expect me to care about nutrition.

Also, you would not be able to take my exercise advice seriously. You would snicker when I walked away, saying, "what could she know?" But I am a pretty intelligent exerciser. I actually like the gym (when I can get myself to go). I enjoy a good high from the sweating and pushing and pulling. I have spent many, many hours learning about how your body likes to exercise. I know what to do when your weight loss "plateaus" and what to eat before and after a workout. Regardless, you would not expect me to care about exercise.

Anyways, I have been talking the talk for a long time. I have been so certain that all of this knowledge would some day equal weight loss. And I have worked out here, and refused something delicious there, but I haven't really done what I need to do to be successful.

But something has changed.

I am a college student with very little time for extra hours. My husband makes the money required to keep the house going. We have recently applied for and been approved for SNAP benefits (food stamps). Even though it is embarrassing, I see the opportunity in this.

Now I have the means to afford to eat healthier. I can purchase the fruits and vegetables and lean meats that I want without going broke. I can stay away from the expensive (financially and health wise) sodas and sugary sweets and really do right by my body. I don't care who you are, you can't eat really well while poor. I hate when people say that you can, because it's impossible. I will lay it out there for you:

We make $16,000 a year COMBINED INCOME.
We spent $620 a month for rent and utilities (which is very low). That equals $7200 a year.
Car and renter's insurance is $95 a month, or $570 every 6 months, or $1140 a year.
We have no car payments.
Internet, which I have to have for college, is $100 a month, or $1200 a year (because I have to have internet, I got a faster internet and added a very basic cable service for $20 more a month for our kids).
Child Support, $400 a month, $4800 a year

$7200 + $1140 + $1200 + $4800 = $14340 a year in fixed expenses. That doesn't leave a lot for food, gas, clothing, or anything else. Shoot, after we pay yearly property taxes on 2 cars and car inspections and registrations, our money is almost gone before we touch the other stuff. That's just how it is. So, as much as I hate it, this government help will really change our lives.

And no matter what politicians try to convince you, not everyone can afford high quality food.

But now I have a rare opportunity to do what's best for myself and my family. I will be the first to admit, I hate when I see people on food stamps buy name brand, expensive junk food with it. There are certainly no restrictions on what food can be purchased, and I see a lot of chips ahoy and ruffles fall through the cracks. This is the behavior that makes people fat.

So join me on my journey to better shopping, better eating, and better looking success!