Broke the plateau!

I finally broke my plateau of last year. On Tuesday I weighed in at 227.8. My plateau was 230. So I'm glad I'm past that hurdle...!

I still feel like a hippo. I've been going through a lot of issues surrounding weight loss recently. I started counting calories on a calorie-counting website, thinking that I was over-eating. It turns out, I have been severely under-eating. I wasn't expecting that at all. So naturally, as with any calorie-counting website, I am being warned every day about "starvation mode". And this is where it gets complex.

I eat all day long, I just don't eat high-calorie foods. I have trained myself really well on the brands of food I like, and I plan my meals every day. I've spent a lot of time doing this right. I've also done a lot of research. I've heard of starvation mode, so I knew it wasn't a good thing.

For someone who is morbidly obese, however, I just can't understand how my body has any opportunity to "starve". I just can't wrap my head around the concept. And that's where the whole "calories in vs. calories out" get complicated.

When I started this in March, my doctor gave me instructions about how many carbs to eat, about 30 a meal  and up to 15 in a snack. So that's what I've been following- roughly 125 carbs a day. Because of my insulin resistance, these ideas are in place, and they are working for me. I think I'm going to stop stressing out about the calories.

In other news, I bought a resistance band today, and I'm so excited to use it! I've been really worried about strength training, because I don't do it... at all. I thought that the resistance bands could be a fun and interesting way to tone up as I lose weight. Every little bit helps, right?

My tennis game hasn't gotten much better, despite spending about an hour/day playing. I do have more speed and finesse though, and that is helpful. I've even been regularly hitting the ball after it goes out of bounds. Before, if I thought it was going out of bounds, I would just stand there and wait for it. Not any more! I want to play like my husband one day, and I can't do that by being lazy!

I got a "B" in my Calculus class, which will alleviate a lot of my stress and free up some time. I'm glad that class is over!

And it continues...

I don't really care for the picture I took today for this blog. I didn't realize how unflattering this shirt is, even if it is really cute!

I'm in a really rough position right now. I had some old clothes that I couldn't convince myself to part with that are still just a size or two too small. Some of these things (like the shirt above) barely fit or fit okay but look bad because I'm not at the size I need to be at to wear them. And then most of my clothing is increasingly too big for me to wear anymore without looking like a pathetic homeless person. So I'm really stuck between these two issues.

And now I'm 235 (that was my official Tuesday weigh-in, 27 pounds lost) which is exciting for me, but it also marks a very important time in my life. See, I'm not new to this "lifestyle" changing. In fact, I have lost about 25 pounds before- twice. Both times (once as recently as March of last year) I got to the 230's (233 last year) and hit a huge plateau. I fought the plateau as much as I could before I succumbed to defeat by way of bad food choices and lacking exercise. In fact, the measurements I am now (waist, bust, hips) are the exact same measurements I was when I gave up last time. When I realized that, I also realized that I gained 30 pounds in one year and it sickened me.

So I feel like I know what's coming. I feel like I know that within the next couple of weeks, my weight loss will halt. I feel the discouragement already building, although I just dropped 2.6 pounds last week. Frankly, I'm nervous. Scared, really. I've never beat that plateau before. I really tried. Well, okay, I tried as much as a person who has bigger goals than they do motivation would. I tried a little exercise increase, some diet tweaking, the norm. And nothing worked.

This time might be different, and I'm hoping that it is. This time I have a better understanding of healthy food. I know that calorie counting, while effective, is not a permanent solution. This time I am exercising a heck of a lot more... 5-6 days a week for 30 minutes to an hour at a time. Also, last year I lost 25 pounds in about 2 months. This time it has taken 4 months. While that sounds bad, I'm hoping it's a good thing. I hope that it means that I haven't been depriving myself of foods I enjoy, making it harder to follow the plans. I also hope that it means that my first big plateau will take longer to get to since the weight has come off slower and more consistently.

So in the coming weeks, I will be concerned, at best, about when the weight loss will stop. Another thing I am doing is setting small goals. My first goal was to lose 20 pounds by my doctor appointment (within 3 months) and I surpassed it by 7 pounds. My next goal is to lose 20 pounds by September 22nd (a good friend's wedding date!). That would give me about 3 months to lose 20 pounds, and would put me at 215 pounds- a weight I haven't seen since 2007! It's completely achievable and unbelievable that I could be so small that soon. Time flies!

Fighting the rapids and my extra pounds...

Today we went to this place in the city called Pony Pasture. For those too lazy to click the link, it's the James River rapids. This was my first time in a rapids situation. The only water I've ever been in before this experience was chlorinated or ocean water (up to the knees). I was very confident that this would be great fun until I saw this:

(Not my picture, but close enough!)

I've never experience a "current" in my watering holes before! It was really fun to play in the water, but the time came to climb the rocks as far out as we could and back. This is where I should have planned ahead a little bit, being a big girl and all.

If you've read my previous entries, you'll know that big girls have to do some planning. We have to plan out where we're going to sit and how we're going to dress to cover rolls and minimize attention. So today was a situation I hadn't planned out. We had to jump from rock to rock and balance on slick rocks. I don't have balance. And because I'm big, I was so sure I wasn't going to jump far enough or fit through the rock formations. Considering the circumstances, I did pretty well with only a skinned knee and a jammed toe. 

(Me, today, post-river)

Situations like today just make me want to lose weight that much more. I don't want to worry about being fat when trying to be involved in fun stuff like this. On the one hand, I'm glad I got to experience something fun like this, but on the other hand my mind was filled with concern and I don't need the stress.

This Is Taking Too Long...

So... I've been trying not to get discouraged, but today is a day for sadness. I've been pretty disappointed in my diet for the past few days, and although I have good reason, I still wish it hadn't happened this way.

My husband is a truck driver, and I went on his first interstate run with him Friday morning. About halfway into the trip, on our way back home, a trailer tire shredded apart and left us stranded for a total of five hours. Eventually we had to stop and get a hotel (due to transportation rules for truck drivers). During this entire trip, we were unable to eat anything "healthy". We didn't have time to stop anywhere but truck stops, which are notorious for unhealthy food. I tried to be good, but I didn't have any options. It started with a Krispy Kreme doughnut and a soda. By the end of the night, I had also consumed a king size Twix bar (I hadn't had one in 4 months) and a chocolate milk.

This morning was worse. My husband just wanted to get home, and I didn't blame him. We picked up a ready to go pizza, and I ate HALF of it! >_< Before that, we had the continental breakfast, and the only hot thing to eat was a waffle. This was a problem because I hadn't had a hot meal in two days and ate one. And a few mini-doughnuts. Then we split a bag of chips. And I drank more soda. And energy drinks. I just feel awful.

I don't know how I ate meals like that every day without remorse for what I was doing to my body. It's those excuses and eating habits that got me where I am. But the worst part is that it's taking so long. I don't remember ever being skinny- ever. I can't wait to be the object of envy and lust and make myself and my husband proud. And I know that it's taken me 14 years to get this way, but I feel like this is taking forever.

The biggest problem is that I don't see a change in myself. This is me about six months ago versus today:

I can point out some small differences, but nothing major. I guess it's so depressing because here I was eating doughnuts and chips and knowing that those things got me here. I am not going to lie- this has been really hard for me. When I was a kid we were so poor and I always told myself that I would have the things I couldn't before, and that has come to mean restaurants, fast-food, ice cream, and cake. And I have personally never been close with somebody who has suffered through losing weight. I haven't watched somebody get smaller before my eyes, and how slow the process can be. It's been really easy to be discouraged by the enormous amount of work that this is going to take.

When I was younger, I didn't understand the implications of hypothyroidism or PCOS, or even what I was doing to my body. Granted, not every pound is my fault, but I certainly didn't help the process. And now I exercise 2-4 times a week, and I've picked up a hobby sport, and I've actually gone outside enough to get a tan already, but the time frame is overwhelming. And considering it took me almost 4 months just to lose 23 pounds, I understand why the doctor gave me almost a year to lose 50. I just want to be re-encouraged, but it's been difficult to find that light again. I want to be a mom one day, but just the idea of working so hard for a great body and then losing it after giving birth is a lot to consider.

Any one else having trouble staying motivated?

Everything You Need To Know

Today is the day. No, really, it's the day. It is the day. It's the first day of the rest of my life. See, I am really disappointed in myself. I know almost everything that can be known about diet and exercise. I research this stuff. Nutrition and its effects on the body, that's like porn for me. I do it because I love it. Unfortunately, by looking at me, you wouldn't be able to tell. Actually, if you didn't know me, you might glance my way and then look at the ground, for fear of rude staring. Maybe you would point to me and then whisper to your boyfriend, "would you still love me if I was that fat?" ... But either way, you would not expect me to care about nutrition.

Also, you would not be able to take my exercise advice seriously. You would snicker when I walked away, saying, "what could she know?" But I am a pretty intelligent exerciser. I actually like the gym (when I can get myself to go). I enjoy a good high from the sweating and pushing and pulling. I have spent many, many hours learning about how your body likes to exercise. I know what to do when your weight loss "plateaus" and what to eat before and after a workout. Regardless, you would not expect me to care about exercise.

Anyways, I have been talking the talk for a long time. I have been so certain that all of this knowledge would some day equal weight loss. And I have worked out here, and refused something delicious there, but I haven't really done what I need to do to be successful.

But something has changed.

I am a college student with very little time for extra hours. My husband makes the money required to keep the house going. We have recently applied for and been approved for SNAP benefits (food stamps). Even though it is embarrassing, I see the opportunity in this.

Now I have the means to afford to eat healthier. I can purchase the fruits and vegetables and lean meats that I want without going broke. I can stay away from the expensive (financially and health wise) sodas and sugary sweets and really do right by my body. I don't care who you are, you can't eat really well while poor. I hate when people say that you can, because it's impossible. I will lay it out there for you:

We make $16,000 a year COMBINED INCOME.
We spent $620 a month for rent and utilities (which is very low). That equals $7200 a year.
Car and renter's insurance is $95 a month, or $570 every 6 months, or $1140 a year.
We have no car payments.
Internet, which I have to have for college, is $100 a month, or $1200 a year (because I have to have internet, I got a faster internet and added a very basic cable service for $20 more a month for our kids).
Child Support, $400 a month, $4800 a year

$7200 + $1140 + $1200 + $4800 = $14340 a year in fixed expenses. That doesn't leave a lot for food, gas, clothing, or anything else. Shoot, after we pay yearly property taxes on 2 cars and car inspections and registrations, our money is almost gone before we touch the other stuff. That's just how it is. So, as much as I hate it, this government help will really change our lives.

And no matter what politicians try to convince you, not everyone can afford high quality food.

But now I have a rare opportunity to do what's best for myself and my family. I will be the first to admit, I hate when I see people on food stamps buy name brand, expensive junk food with it. There are certainly no restrictions on what food can be purchased, and I see a lot of chips ahoy and ruffles fall through the cracks. This is the behavior that makes people fat.

So join me on my journey to better shopping, better eating, and better looking success!